February 2010
1 post
January 2010
32 posts
and im still so fucked up
I just wanna wrap myself in a cloud and sleep for a year
empty sex
not exactly as therapeudic as i expected it to be. im feeling pretty awful.
literally
dream about him everytime i close my eyes what the fuck gross.
BECUZ THIS IS THE CO0L THING TO DO0
http://www.formspring.me/courtburgesss
so im at ramapo college
for this financial aid presentation. and it feels so weird. its my first time being here since my interview and since they shook my hand and told me i was in. and since i mailed in my deposit. it even looks different to me. my new homeeee
Watchare you kidding me right now?
feelin' so nostalgic this whole weekend.
it made us all cry
so at my wedding
i want me and my husband and all our closest friends to dance the “time of my life” dance at the end of dirty dancing bc its my favorite movie ever and i cry during that dance every single time k.
the best way to avoid the trainwreck,
is to never get on the train in the first place.
bananasmile:
weareinfinite:
comeheresparrow:
...
my absolute favorite. elgar’s cello concerto...
its getting progressively harder
to look at my father. he’s almost reached the point where he stops having cancer and it starts having him he doesn’t even look like him.
asdfghjklmnbvcx FUCKER
today,
i don’t know if the stars in my eyes are guiding me or blinding me but today, they’re perfect.
i used to imagine god
as a big fluffy cloud with arms and rayban wayfarers and a belly laugh. as i grew up a bit i realized this was foolish.
so i started picturing him as a man in a navy suit and tie with a handsome smile and a comb-over. he strongly resembed walt disney, actually.
naturally he still had the raybans on.
"so this is the new year.
and i don’t feel any different.”
…but unlike death cab, i do have resolutions.
1. get over him. completely. 2. get over him. COMPLETELY. 3. figure out who the fuck i am. 4. figure out what the fuck i want. 5. reinvent myself. start fresh. 6. go to the city more often. 7. drink more. yeah, not less - more. 8. worry less. 9. start writing again. 10. start taking pictures again....
he's haunting my fucking dreams.
why is it that we’re constantly drawn to the people who hurt us in the most brutal and cruel ways?
how the fuck can i possibly still miss him?
and want him?
and hope and pray he’ll come back?
after everything he put me through,
i would kill for his kiss. or a touch. a look. a hello.
the very mention of him makes me physically nauseas and dizzy.
i pretend i hate him, i...
December 2009
8 posts
STORY: BY BSCHH
heckyeahawesome:
betsyclementeishere:
paststarstrucker:
ohmysiomai:
herbodyylanguage:
indianabanana:
bhabiebhoo:
staygoldyahear:
anthonaniz:
unitedonlyinside:
kayydubb:
gigglymexicans:
erikaainwonderland:
thisisntworking:
bschh:
it was the first day of school, and i was getting ready to get on the bus, so naturally i was like . so i was doin’ my thang, and eating a...
its hard not to smile
when youre nestled in the back of a near empty bus, dreamily wavering between wake and sleep, listening to the winter concertos from vivaldi’s “four seasons” after a long night in the city with good friends. life is good tonight. tonight i am happy.
i'm itching for
a long drive an endless mixtape a trip more weed some beers cool spring air understanding connection something to believe in someone to believe in someone to believe in me feeling truth beauty freedom love above all things, love.
i don't know, but
maybe it was all the christmas spirit.
“i don’t need anyone but myself”? that’s a laugh. i need someone to fill all the empty spaces in my day. someone to help me drift off to sleep at night. someone to agree with me when i think i’m having a good hair/face day.
or i need someone to get wasted with me and stick their tongue down my throat. i’m really not...
the little things,
like painted finger nails, new boots, a good hair/face day, your uncle’s classic rock music collection, and the fact that its christmas night, can make everything seem to pretty and wonderful and perfect. i dont need anyone but myself right now. if only it were snowing as well.
actually, truly, legitimately alone.
what does one do
when terrible things happen
and the only person who can help
or make it hurt less
or even just listen
is no longer a part of one’s life
and never will be again.
what the fuck does one do?
fuck
its all a fucking joke.
im kidding myself.
were all fucking kidding ourselves.
laugh it up baby.
shaking and burning
im losing my fucking head
and heart
and everything else
im trying so hard to become this cold shell of a human to please him
when really all im doing is making everything hurt more
kidding myself
kidding ourselves
kidding. lying. hiding.
stinging. burning. biting....
lily allen and kate nash
absolutely fantastic, in every single way.
November 2009
7 posts
shes so high above me by everclear. late night. boyfriend. boyfriends best friend. jeep wrangler. aimless driving. finding an open field. off roading. boyfriend reaching back and pulling my arms around him. falling asleep to him and his best friend singing everclear, and him stroking and kissing my hand on the drive home.
perfect.
sleep is no longer an option.
neither is happiness.
this journal was supposed to be impersonal. i was supposed to rant about things i hate and rave about what i love. i was supposed to be witty and clever. snarky. sarcastic.
instead im here, bleeding all over the fucking place.
i havent felt this low in ages and theres only so much i can deal with before this bullshit front comes crashing down.
perhaps is time for the...
i'm so cliche
with my chocolate covered cashews and my romance films.
with my teary eyes and my love songs.
oh, someone just put me out of my damn misery.
im in an emotionally unhealthy relationship and there’s no way i can bring myself to leave it.
“You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse...”
– captain mike, the curious case of benjamin button
our very own
a friend and i know of a place, back into the woods near her house. further back past the clearing where kids go to smoke, and where we held our illegal end of summer camp out. its up a steep hill and through a broken fence. this place is really nothing to look at. its a random cement walkway/bridge structure, currently covered in wet leaves, going over the stream the stems from the swampy mess of...
October 2009
4 posts
“to be yourself in a world that’s doing its best, night and day, to make...”
– ee cummings